shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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