So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
