i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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