I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
