I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
