i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
