My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
