I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
