May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
