Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
