Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
