i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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