dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
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