Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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