You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
