Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
