You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
