I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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