hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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