Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
