If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
