think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
