You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
