My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
