you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
