So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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