ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
