We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
