Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
