Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
