Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
