More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
