Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
