Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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