Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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