The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
