shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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