I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
