Nicole vs. Life
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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