I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
