he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
