I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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