What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
