my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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