I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
