At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
