; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
