i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
