You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
