there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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