She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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