She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
