there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
this boner is exhausting
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
